Discouraged

God, I know that the last thing you ever want from me is for me to feel discouraged in any way because You are what brings all of my joy to my life. I just can't help but feel like I am alone in my walk with Christ here at Tech. I don't know what I can do to get my friends to fall more in love with You...who am I kidding? I can't make people fall in love with You...but I can show them what being in love with You is like. I pray that Your light shines through me daily. I pray I am an image of Your love...but I fail and fail time again. Please, God forgive me for when I falter and lose sight of things above. Forgive me for being consumed with worldy things. I want nothing more than an incredibly intimacy with you...but I feel like I am failing over and over. I know the answer to my failure and I ignore it daily. You know my excuses God, You know I tell you things like "I don't have my own room so I don't want my roommate to feel weird or awkward (even though she loves You also) when I want to pull out Your Word and read." God, the list goes on and You know that...but You love me anyways. Lord, You know my heart. You know how much I long for a deeper relationship with You. Please forgive me for my failures. Why is it so hard to spend time with You when I am absolutely in love with You? It is so easy to spend time watching my favorite tv shows, reading my favorite blogs, or surf the web when I am looking for fashionable finds...I should spend any free time in the Word...and I shouldn't even have "free time"...every second should be "free time". Why do I have to be taking 18 hours and have literally some sort of school work to be done all day every day? WHY DO I KEEP MAKING EXCUSES GOD? Please help me with my excuses! I cannot do it myself...God please take away my distractions and my daily excuses...I want to fall even more in love with You. Please help me to not feel like just another face in the crowd...because there is no face in the crowd in your eyes. It is just really hard sometimes to find my place here at Tech. All I want is that amazing group of Christ loving people that I know I could call at any moment to just hang out with. I feel like I sound like such a loner but I do want to thank you for the amazing friends you HAVE given me at Tech. You know my heart and you know the prayers I have been praying since I got here. Sorry I am putting this out on a blog but I just really needed to write it. I love you, God :) Thanks for loving me as well even when I definitely do not deserve it!